Peace Maker

Part of

Part of

Category: Operation Peacemaker

Rekha’s Story

Posted on by admin_peacemaker
  • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

Rekha’s Story

Rekha had been trapped in an abusive relationship with her husband since before her marriage. He had been pursuing her for long before the marriage and had threatened to commit suicide if she would not yield to his proposal. Feeling fearful that he would commit suicide, Rekha agreed to marry him. She believed that once […]

Rekha had been trapped in an abusive relationship with her husband since before her marriage. He had been pursuing her for long before the marriage and had threatened to commit suicide if she would not yield to his proposal. Feeling fearful that he would commit suicide, Rekha agreed to marry him. She believed that once they are married, he would not harass her. Unfortunately, her husband started abusing her from the day they got married. She constantly operated from a space of fear as he would sexually, emotionally, and financially abuse her.

Rekha lost control over her belongings as her husband started selling her jewelry to support the family. He forbade Rekha from working under the guise of care and affection. It took Rekha one year to convince her husband to let her work but this came at the expense of enduring more abuse. The abuse would often lead to bleeding injuries which she tried to hide from everyone. Once she started working, she felt a lot more confident about herself but was abused constantly due to this newly gained freedom.

After being abused for almost two years, Rekha gathered the courage to approach My Choices Foundation for help. The counselors with Operation PeaceMaker tried to help her in the best way possible by keeping Rekhas’s interests in mind. They conducted couple counseling sessions as well as individual sessions with Rekha and her husband to get a better understanding of the issue and to help them overcome their problems. Rekha was always afraid that she ‘can never do things right’ and that she would be reprimanded by her husband if she does not act according to his wishes. Her husband, on the other hand, operated from a space of dominance as he did not believe that he was hurting his wife.

Seeing no improvement in her relationship, Rekha decided to separate from her husband. She had started attending regular individual counseling sessions with the counselor as it helped her overcome the trauma that she had experienced and grow as a person. The counselors helped her understand that she is not responsible for the actions of others and that she should focus on her well-being.

With the help of the counselors at Operation PeaceMaker, Rekha gained the strength to leave her husband. She was able to move out of his house and find a place of her own which would give a sense of peace and freedom. Today, Rekha is an independent soul who is preparing for the civil services exam. She has also promised to donate for the cause on her birthday. Rekha is not only empowered to make her own decisions but is also in a space where she can help others going through a similar trauma!

If you are a victim of Domestic Violence, please know that you are NOT alone.

If you are experiencing domestic violence or are in an abusive relationship please call - 1800 212 9131, if it unsafe to call leave us a message on WhatsApp - 9333 40 4141

If you are unable to identify the signs of abuse, please take this quiz to learn more about your relationship. 

My Choices Foundation

This post was authored by the My Choices Foundation communications team. Our mission is to keep you informed on the cause, and hopeful that transformation is possible one story at a time.

Share this story

Donate to Operation PeaceMaker

Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

I want to donate

ON BEHALF OF MY ORGANISATION
AS AN INDIVIDUAL

The Lotus Safe Home

Posted on by admin_peacemaker
  • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

The Lotus Safe Home

Holistic Sheltering Through Safe Home For Victims Of Domestic Violence

“If emergency domestic violence shelters did not exist, the consequences for victims would be dire, including homelessness, losing custody of children, continued abuse, or death.” (NIJ, 2018)

Most victims of Domestic Violence remain in abusive environments because they do not have a way out of the violence they are facing. There are many reasons why victims often choose to stay or have no choice but to stay in abusive relationships. Reasons such as social stigma, keeping a family together, the upbringing of children, financial needs, or even something as basic as a roof over their heads make it very difficult for women to break free from abusive relationships. Some cases are extremely dangerous and women need a safe place to escape to.

Through our work over the years, we at Operation PeaceMaker felt an immense need for emergency services for women in crisis. The first step of our endeavors was to set up The Lotus Fund, a startup fund for women who have decided to start a new life free from the abusive relationship.

Operation PeaceMaker is now proud to be extending its support to women in crisis by initiating our Safe Home. Through this safe home, we aim to assist women in transforming from victims to holistically healthy survivors of domestic violence. It has been proved through multiple studies that domestic violence shelters address essential needs that survivors cannot meet elsewhere. Shelter programs provide a comprehensive array of services to victims of abuse and their children. The most prominent assistance includes safety, information, help with children, and help with emotional distress. Shelters that accommodate mothers together with their children are very scarce in Hyderabad, and therefore our shelter home will fill a great need.

Through our Safe Home, Operation PeaceMaker not only provides women with shelter but with counseling services, legal aid, and vocational and skills training. Every individual case will be dealt with according to needs and circumstances. Our aim is to provide a loving, peaceful, and safe environment for women in crisis. While residing in our Safe Home, the survivors will keep regular appointments with counselors who will help them to specify their needs and explore possible solutions for the road ahead. This will be aimed at building emotional strength and a concrete plan of action.

The Safe Home will have the capacity to accommodate 12 women along with their children at any given point of time. They will have a live-in caretaker and the services of Operation PeaceMaker’s counselors and lawyers to support them. Working women will be able to continue their work, while non-working women will have the option to take up vocational courses of their interest.

By the end of their stay at our Safe Home, we hope our residents will have found new hope and courage as survivors who are ready to take on a new life with ample support and knowledge.

Usha Kiran Tolety

Usha is a dreamer of change - a world free from violence and equal opportunity for all. Her professional and academic interests include gender, patriarchy, identity-based violence, and laws related to women and children.

Share this story

Donate to Operation PeaceMaker

Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

I want to donate

ON BEHALF OF MY ORGANISATION
AS AN INDIVIDUAL

How Domestic Violence is normalized?

Posted on by admin_peacemaker
  • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

How Domestic Violence is normalized?

Abuse and violence against women has become a behaviour that many of us acknowledge as wrong, but do not address. However, there are also a large group of people who think of it as completely normal and who do not see any reason to try an address it.

“Normal” is nothing but perception. What is normal to us in India is often very foreign to people in a neighbouring country. What is normal to one household can also be very different from the neighbour’s household.

Normalisation is the process in which anything – behaviour, priorities, habits, preferences, etc. gets repeatedly treated as though it is normal until it is universally perceived as such. If something is normal, it is not serious, not shocking, unimpressive, unspectacular, not special, totally ordinary, completely acceptable, and easy to ignore.

Does normal seem like a good way to describe abuse and violence? Probably not.

Yet, at least 50% of men, women, girls and boys in India think that a man hitting his wife is normal or justifiable. Let us think about some things that are widely normalised in India: breaking traffic rules, littering on roads, urinating publicly, cutting in line, spitting publicly, and even bribing. You and I would probably agree that these behaviours are wrong, and yet we encounter these things so often that there is no doubt that much of society has somehow accepted them as normal and decided to ignore them.

What is your usual reaction when you witness this kind of behaviour? A heavy sigh, an eye roll, or maybe a muttered expletive before you go back about your business? You might not like it, but it is so normal, and it happens so frequently, that you figure it’s not worth making a big fuss to try to make a point one time. You see someone urinating on a public wall in your neighbourhood and think to yourself, “What’s the point of saying anything. Someone else will just come along tomorrow and do the same thing.” You make an excuse for it.

Similarly, abuse and violence against women has become a behaviour that many of us acknowledge as wrong, but do not address. However, there are also a large group of people who think of it as completely normal (even justified), and who do not see any reason to try an address it.

There is a reason why we as a society have overlooked domestic violence – years of conditioning to accept that there is a gender in this world which has to be protected, taken care of and sheltered. In the process of sheltering, protecting and providing for the gender which is considered to be “weaker, nurturing and sensitive”, we control her. This controlling is exhibited in the form of physical, verbal and mental abuse, under the garb of protecting them.

There are a lot of things this “weaker gender” has to adhere to in Indian Society – be docile, responsible, bear children and nurture them, listen to the husband and his family, cook and clean for the entire family and take permission for everything. If a regular Indian woman dares to cross any of the lines that have been drawn for her, anything can be done and justified to keep her in her place, right?

Among other root causes, abuse stems from the desire to control another person. With several years of conditioning, society has trained one gender to be submissive and the other to be dominant (a controller). In a marriage, when a woman fails to be the perfect wife, cook, maid, host, mother etc., the husband and/or the family could use their power and control in various forms to put the “woman in her place”.

Take this clip for example:

In this clip, the wife says that she has to endure her husband’s violence because of the sanctity of marriage because he is a Man and he is her Husband.

Indian society and families have been controlling women to an extent that a woman’s personal choices now have an effect on the reputation of her family. If a woman chooses to marry the person of her family’s choice, listens to her husband and in-laws, gives birth to children and takes on the role of a “selfless” mother, then she has made her parents and in-laws very proud. On the contrary, if she chooses to leave an abusive husband, if she chooses career over motherhood or if she marries a partner of her choice, then it is assumed that she has destroyed the family’s reputation and respect. It is interesting to see that a family’s respect is built on how well they can control their women – be it wife or daughter. That is also the reason why some families do not like their daughter pursuing higher education – they do not want her to be “too educated” for her “own good”.

While women across the country are taunted, scolded, beaten and burnt for many reasons (especially for making their own choices), we as family, friends, neighbours and society do not interfere in it because it is a “family issue”. For generations, Indian society has put women through a lot of pain, abuse and trauma because most issues are “family or personal issues”. This needs to stop now. It is not normal, it should not happen in any house and women definitely do not deserve it.

How do we say #ISeeIt and recognise Domestic Violence?

  • When someone else is making decisions for a woman
  • When someone is hurting her mentally or physically or not respecting her decisions
  • When someone is constantly being taunted, vilified and mocked
  • When someone does not have control and agency over her own body or reproductive decisions
  • When someone is not allowed to earn money or does not have control over the money she earns

    • Let us all educate ourselves about domestic violence, recognise it, point it out and provide help to our family and friends who need it. Operation PeaceMaker provides free counselling services to families and victims of domestic violence.

    Usha Kiran Tolety

    Usha is a dreamer of change - a world free from violence and equal opportunity for all. Her professional and academic interests include gender, patriarchy, identity-based violence, and laws related to women and children.

    Share this story

    Donate to Operation PeaceMaker

    Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

    I want to donate

    ON BEHALF OF MY ORGANISATION
    AS AN INDIVIDUAL

    Beyond Triple Talaaq

    Posted on by admin_peacemaker
    • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

    Beyond Triple Talaaq

    Muslim Family Law leaves interpretation up to local clerics, and it is only in the instance that the case goes to court that legal processes are considered. Indian courts have repeatedly knocked down the right to instantaneous triple talaaq, but this has no bearing on practices across the country because the legal process has yet to be codified.

    Beyond Triple Talaaq: What matters to Muslim women

    *For the purpose of this article, the term “talaaq” is used in place of the word divorce.

    Marriage can, perhaps, be the most beautiful relationship of all, if it is based on love and mutual respect. For some, it can be their most significant inspiration in making life worth living.

    Yet, as we all know, sometimes a marriage does not work out the way it should. In some marriages, there is no mutual love, no mutual respect. Sometimes, there isn’t even mutual adjustment and compromise. Such a marriage becomes an oppression, a curse. To keep such unwilling partners bound together would be cruel to them and would also be a detriment to their community. For such cases, Islam provides talaaq (divorce).

    Unfortunately, without codified law defining the process for talaaq, instantaneous triple talaaq has become common in India. It has also become the topic of a national debate, stirring up heated discord among citizens, clerics, lawmakers and more.

    For us, an NGO whose mission is to support women and their right to peace, safety, and justice, the debate is informed by the real lives and stories of Muslim women. The impact that this debate has on Indian law has enormous implications for the lives of our clients, and therefore our work.

    For women like Rehana, an Operation PeaceMaker client who was married to a man 12 years older than her who eventually abandoned her without any child support, it is the mystery surrounding divorce that is more demeaning than the actual act. For 7 years, Rehana lived with her parents, wondering if her husband would ever come back home, or help her support their daughter. Only with the support of an Operation PeaceMaker Counselor did Rehana discover that her husband had issued Talaaq through the local Kazi 6 months prior. She could have gone years without knowing that her husband divorced her and this was permissible in accordance with their local Kazi, who is responsible for administrating marriage and divorce procedures.

    What is Triple Talaaq?

    Triple Talaaq, as discussed in this article, is the act of stating the word “talaaq” three times to initiate the end of a marriage with immediate effect. The word is stated verbally, in writing, and even digitally. It is entirely different than Talaaq-e-Hassan, which is the method of talaaq permitted in the Quran, which involves making the statement of talaaq three times over at least three months.

    Is it legal?

    The legality of triple talaaq is what had been hotly debated in Indian courts in 2017 to now. Finally, in August 2017 the Indian Supreme Court blocked triple talaaq, affirming that the practice was a violation of women’s rights. However, it stopped short of permanently banning the practice. As I write this article, the issue is being presented to Parliament to be permanently banned, and to add to criminalize it.

    Is it Islamic?

    Whether or not triple talaaq is Islamic is the real point of the debate! Indian law allows Muslims, Christians, and Parsis to operate through their own family laws. Muslim family law is not codified, which means it is largely left up to the interpretation of local clerics. However, Triple talaaq as it is practiced now is not Quranic, meaning there are no verses in the Quran that support the practice. Instant talaaq is not even mentioned in the Quran. Where it exists in modern society is a complete departure from Quranic teachings. There are only two options for talaaq in the Quran, each of them requiring the husband to wait at least three months before the talaaq is finalized. Triple talaaq is actually the process of declaring the intention for divorce three times over a period of three months. Quranic talaaq also requires that the relatives of both the husband and wife try to help the couple resolve their issues before the husband initiates a talaaq. If reconciliation fails, the husband declares talaaq, and the waiting period completes, the talaaq becomes complete and the husband has to pay his ex-wife a sum of money. Ideally, he should also provide his ex-wife with an additional amount to help her maintenance to end their marriage with respect and dignity. Nothing about this process is instantaneous, informal or undignified.

    Why is it such a big debate?

    The debate on triple talaaq in India is highly nuanced. First, you have those who believe that there should be no law dictating religious practices for Muslims. Second, you have those who mistakenly believe that banning triple talaaq is an effort to protect women from divorce in general. Both these groups fail to understand the intention of the law. The law intends to preserve the right to divorce, clarify its lawful process, and ultimately protect women from discriminatory practices that are unconstitutional and unIslamic.

    The constitutional bench of the Indian Supreme Court has already declared triple talaaq unconstitutional. Now, the debate is whether or not to criminalize the act of triple talaaq with the punishment of 3 years of imprisonment.

    I believe that while banning triple talaaq was a win for women’s rights and ultimately for Muslim families, that criminalizing the act would be highly problematic. If we are guided by the real stories and experiences of Muslim women in India, we can immediately see the issues that arise with criminalization.

    Criminalization is a hasty measure that aims to punish the offending man, but does not actually protect the affected woman. It can lead to several negative outcomes for the woman, including increasingly severe abuse or desertion. For example, under the terms of criminalization, if a man attempts triple talaaq, it will lead to immediate imprisonment and a sentence of 3 years. While he is in jail, he is not obligated to pay maintenance to his family. So the wife and family are left without support. When the husband is released from his sentence, what’s stopping him from punishing his wife through abuse or marrying another woman?

    Alternatively, triple talaaq can be a way out for men avoiding their responsibility to pay maintenance. Some men may find it easier to utter triple talaaq and serve jail time than to take responsibility for their families. This may sound bizarre, but we have experienced many cases where men show a shocking level of commitment to do anything to avoid accepting responsibility for their families. For men like Rehana’s husband, talaaq was an impersonal process that could be conveniently arranged through a religious official who took his side.

    Criminalization is a hasty measure that aims to punish the offending man but does not actually protect the affected woman.

    How can the law protect Muslim women?

    There are too many women like Rehana, who suffer unnecessarily demeaning and confusing processes simply because it is left to a local cleric to decide what is appropriate or fair.

    The way to address the problem with triple talaaq is to define the proper legal process for talaaq in general. Currently, there is no codified law outlining the due process of talaaq among Muslims. Muslim Family Law leaves interpretation up to local clerics, and it is only in the instance that the case goes to court that legal processes are considered. Indian courts have repeatedly knocked down the right to instantaneous triple talaaq, but this has no bearing on practices across the country because the legal process has yet to be codified.

    The result of the August 2017 Supreme Court ruling blocking instantaneous triple talaaq without any codified legal process, that we are seeing more cases like Fadilah’s. Fadilah was abandoned after one month of marriage when her husband moved to Dubai without informing her. She was pregnant when he left and waited a year and a half without any hope that he would return. Her husband eventually sent his divorce notices in intervals through a lawyer to Fadilah. Since his delivery of talaaq was not instantaneous and delivered through a lawyer, it did not violate the Supreme Court ruling. There is no law prohibiting this type of divorce, or making it mandatory that the woman agrees to the divorce or be able to ask for arbitration.

    Indian law should categorize instantaneous triple talaaq as domestic abuse, and allow the same options for recourse that are provided to women the Protection from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 or Indian Penal Code (IPC) Section 498A, which are civil and criminal options respectively. These laws protect women from emotional abuse and provide a mechanism to ensure that proper maintenance, residence, protection from violence, and custody of her children.

    Further to these legal measures to punish offenders, the government should work to sensitize Kazi’s (local religious magistrate) who facilitate nikah (marriage) and talaaq processes. If these Kazis are found guilty of assisting instantaneous triple talaaq, their license should be revoked.

    In order to provide meaningful protection to Muslim women from experiencing abuse through the practice of instantaneous triple talaaq, the government must make two steps. First, codify the legal process for talaaq, thereby eliminating the possibility of discriminatory and unIslamic interpretations of Muslim Family Law by local clerics and abuses of interpretations by malevolent husbands. Second, provide legal recourse for women whose husbands try to use triple talaaq, recognizing it as domestic abuse rather than categorizing it as a criminal offense. Criminalizing triple talaaq is likely to further silence women, and hinder them reporting the issue out of worry that it will ruin any and all chance of reconciliation. Providing recourse through existing laws for domestic violence would help guarantee that the woman receives the protection and support she needs.

    Beyond these two basic requirements for Indian law to support Muslim women, the government must recognize its responsibility to provide services to disenfranchised women and children. A woman facing a legal battle with her husband is often left without home or money to keep her life afloat. Victim services like safe homes, vocational training, employment, etc. are critical to ensuring that it is possible for women to secure their and their children’s future through divorce or desertion.

    For women like Rehana and Fadilah, a codified process for divorce will provide them with a dignified and fair divorce process, and could also help protect them from ill-intentioned marriages with abusive husbands in the first place.

    The way to address the problem with triple talaaq is to define the proper legal process for talaaq in general.

    Want to help affect change? Operation PeaceMaker will be initiating a change.org petition asking for the Government of India and the All India Muslim Personal Law Board to codify the legal process for talaaq and provide Muslim women and families adequate protection under the law.

    Usha Kiran Tolety

    Dr. Farzana lives by the motto, “I Prefer Dangerous Freedom over Peaceful Slavery”, which has given her a reputation for being versatile and energetic. Farzana has doctorate in political science with gold medal and PG diploma in human rights and an amazing background of 7 years of working with Human rights organizations in one of the most diverse parts of country, Uttar Pradesh. Her field of expertise encompasses constitutional and legal frameworks as well as the international human rights mechanism. Her professional and academic interests include gender, patriarchy, identity based violence, and laws related to women and children.

    Share this story

    Donate to Operation PeaceMaker

    Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

    I want to donate

    ON BEHALF OF MY ORGANISATION
    AS AN INDIVIDUAL

    Lotus Fund

    Posted on by admin_peacemaker
    • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

    Lotus Fund

    The lotus flower is a symbol of great resilience in spite of adversity, of the ability to let go and become detached from trouble, and of purity and beauty. It is a symbol of rebirth.

    Lotus Fund – A New Beginning!

    In India, there is a crisis in the victim support system. Essentially, there is no guaranteed support for survivors of domestic violence, even if they come forward with the courage to file a case. So-called Safe Homes are rare, and often perpetuate abuse against survivors. There is no system for reliable support for women and children in crisis. For some of our most critical cases, this means that the choice is often between staying with an abuser to ensure they can provide for their children, or taking the risk to escape abuse knowing that they may not be able to make ends meet.

    The Lotus Fund is an internal fund aimed to provide crisis and start-up support to women like Sarojini who are faced with zero alternatives.

    Sarojini’s journey has had a special impact on our work, and we wanted to honor her through the name of the fund that would be dedicated to helping more women like her. Her name happens to mean “lotus flower”.

    The lotus flower is a symbol of great resilience in spite of adversity, of the ability to let go and become detached from trouble, and of purity and beauty. It is a symbol of rebirth.

    The Lotus Fund will be a niche focus of our fundraising, providing donors with the opportunity to connect their donations with the lives of families in desperate need of a little extra support to get started. The Lotus Fund will strictly fund emergency needs within the first year of recovering from abuse including:

  • Tuition fees for children of survivors
  • Essential school-related costs (like textbooks and uniforms) for children of survivors
  • Short term, emergency needs like food or emergency medical attention for survivors and their children
  • First-month rent for independent accommodation for survivor
  • Basic kitchen utensils for a survivor who is moving from a safe home to her own home
  • Partial support for vocation initiation, like a sewing machine or set of work clothes

    • Our mission is to provide every woman facing abuse with choices to end it. The Lotus Fund will help us offer critical, holistic support to many clients who feel they have no way out of abuse because of the limited options for support.

    Operation PeaceMaker

    This post was authored by the Operation PeaceMaker communications team. Our mission is to keep you informed, and full of hope.

    Share this story

    Donate to Operation PeaceMaker

    Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

    I want to donate

    ON BEHALF OF MY ORGANISATION
    AS AN INDIVIDUAL

    VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ISN’T A WOMEN’S RIGHTS ISSUE, IT’S A HUMAN RIGHTS ISSUE

    Posted on by admin_peacemaker
    • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

    VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ISN’T A WOMEN’S RIGHTS ISSUE, IT’S A HUMAN RIGHTS ISSUE

    Founder Elca Grobler writes about gender based violence and what inspired her to pursue the idea of training local women to be #peacemakers and #changeagents.

    Violence against women isn’t a women’s rights issue, it’s a human rights issue. More women are killed each year by domestic violence than by malaria, war and accidents combined. I’m driven by a righteous anger about the abuse and injustice so many women face today. With so much going so right, how can so much be going so horribly wrong?

    Half of the world’s population is being slowly killed off by the other half. How did we get to the point in our modern society where almost half of Indian women face domestic violence? In 2017, we still have close to 50 per cent of the girls in India who marry, marry as children. How did we get to the point where 50 million girls in India are missing? Killed as infants or foetus. Why aren’t we, in 2017, at a point where we can break the cycle of violence against women?

    In the lead up to the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women on 25 November and the 16 days of activism against gender-based violence that follow it, why do we, as a society, allow violence to ruin the lives of millions of women and their children? We must build awareness of the magnitude of this human rights crisis. Violence against women costs the global community $7 trillion a year, but it’s not the economic cost that should drive action, it’s the human cost.

    We need to use platforms like the one given to us by the United Nations, to make the horror and impact of gender-based violence real to people, otherwise we won’t make any progress in eliminating it. Men need to join us on this journey – we should never exclude men because if you do so it’s like fighting a fight with one hand held behind your back. We need to make men part of the solution, encourage them to step up, speak up, but they can’t step up and speak up if they don’t know what the reality is – that’s why we need an international day to focus attention on the issue.

    We also need to let women know about the extent of the crisis, so they can speak up, know they are not the only ones it’s happening to and it’s not their fault. This is a global crisis. We need women to speak up, we need men to be part of the solution. And that’s why the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women is so important.

    When Opportunity International Australia’s partner, My Choices Foundation, started its domestic violence program, PeaceMakers, in India in 2012, we knew we couldn’t bring about change in communities from a head office. It needs to happen locally with local women. We realised we needed to train women to go into their communities and be the voice of change, put a stop to domestic violence.

    I remember a very poor district in Hyderabad where we were training women to be PeaceMakers who go into the local community, counsel women and their families and refer them to domestic violence support services. I was leaving the training centre – walking down the stairs – and a Peacemaker who had trained two months previously was standing on the stairs waiting for me with a young girl who was completely covered – I could only see her eyes – even her hands were covered. I approached them. The girl was tiny, looked young, even though she was 20. She was forced to marry when she was 14 to a much older man and had three children by the time she was 17.

    The young woman was facing severe domestic violence and had no one to go to, so she opened up to the PeaceMaker who worked in a local beauty parlour and wore a PeaceMaker badge so she was easily identifiable. The woman was at the point of taking her own life because she couldn’t see a way out of the abusive situation she was living in. For her, the courage to just get out of the house and wait on the stairs for me was enormous.

    When we did one of our first training programs, we had a mock session with two psychologists and a PeaceMaker, when the lady being trained opened up about what was happening in her life. Her husband and parents-in-law locked her up, abused and starved her. Her life became our counselling session. Something happened that was magical – the 40 ladies in the room, who were a mix of Christian, Muslim, Hindu and Buddhist, joined hands and prayed for the woman. At that moment, the horror of what she faced every day surpassed religion. She became a very active PeaceMaker, preventing young girls from being trafficked. She’s become one of our star PeaceMakers, going from being trapped in an abusive situation herself, to being one of our leading PeaceMakers.

    How can we still live in a world where we have so many dowry attacks, acid attacks? For me, eliminating domestic violence is a calling. I’m not able to do anything else. Everything I’ve ever done is a preparation to take up this journey and it both encourages and inspires me – doing something courageous transforms you. And it’s contagious. If you do something, stand up, speak up, it will catch on and others will get on board. It not only transforms you, it transforms the people around you as well. Although work at My Choices is not easy – it’s heartbreaking at times – it’s the courage I see in the women that inspires me. It takes courage for women and girls to stand up and speak about the abuse in their lives. I have a desire, a drive, to help them change their lives.

    Gender-based violence touches all of us in some way as we’re all linked to a female. It’s a human rights issue that we must urgently solve. Speak up about it, be more informed about it, support it. Thank you. You’re making the world a safer place for everyone.

    This article was first published by Opportunity International, followed by Women’s Agenda and SIGHT magazine.

    Elca Grobler

    Elca Grobler is the founder of My Choices Foundation. This article was written for Opportunity International as a part of the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence Campaign.

    Share this story

    Donate to Operation PeaceMaker

    Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

    I want to donate

    ON BEHALF OF MY ORGANISATION
    AS AN INDIVIDUAL

    THE GLOBAL COMMUNITY NEEDS A PATHWAY OF ACTION TO ELIMINATE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

    Posted on by admin_peacemaker
    • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

    THE GLOBAL COMMUNITY NEEDS A PATHWAY OF ACTION TO ELIMINATE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

    We must say “no” to violence against women and girls on Human Rights Day…and every day. The global community must recommit to a pathway of action, a pathway that involves policies, programs and resources to achieve progress as a society.

    Sunday 10 December is Human Rights Day, the culmination of 16 days of activism against gender-based violence. Violence against women and girls is a human rights issue, not a women’s issue. We must say “no” to violence against women and girls on Human Rights Day…and every day. The global community must recommit to a pathway of action, a pathway that involves policies, programs and resources to achieve progress as a society.

    At My Choices Foundation in India we want women, children and families to have choices to live lives free from violence, abuse and exploitation. We aim to stop domestic violence and sex trafficking by empowering women and girls to become change agents in their own families and communities. We educate ‘at risk’ women and girls, families and communities and provide free, grassroots support to women and girls who experience domestic violence. We’ve come a long way in our five years, helping over 4,000 women and girls and their families, but there’s much more to do.

    Every day, I learn something new from the women we work with. One woman, Archana (name changed), stands out for me. Archana married when she was very young and has two daughters aged 9 and 12. She endured years of unimaginable abuse from her husband and in despair, decided to end her life. Then she thought: “Who will take care of my daughters when I’m gone?” This prompted her to seek help from My Choices. She rang one of our counsellors that day, but it took her a year to work up the courage to visit us to commence her journey to a life free from domestic violence.

    What I find most inspiring from Archana’s story is that despite all she’s been through, she’s always smiling, she never complains about her situation. She says: “I have a future, I want to raise my daughters to be strong so they can take anything that comes their way.” She’s courageous, and we helped her raise funds for her daughter to go to school. Every time I meet her, I say “Wow!” because she’s so inspiring. No matter what, you have to keep going on for women like Archana.

    Another extraordinarily courageous woman, Shabana (name changed), was so abused by her husband, she could barely walk, rarely talked. Her counsellor helped her for many months, she slowly improved. She started to gain hope and eventually said to us: “I know my worth, no one can diminish me.” Shabana finished college when she was young, so we encouraged her to get a job once her health improved. Now she says: “No one can harm me, I’ve transformed my life, I want to transform the lives of other women.” Shabana encourages other women experiencing abuse and violence to seek help from My Choices. She’s a role model for other women.

    On Human Rights Day, let’s honour courageous women like Archana and Shabana. They are beacons of hope that we can stop domestic violence and bring about beneficial social change in our lifetime.

    This article was first published in Opportunity International Blog.

    Dr.Farzana Khan

    Dr. Farzana lives by the motto, “I Prefer Dangerous Freedom over Peaceful Slavery”, which has given her a reputation for being versatile and energetic. Farzana has doctorate in political science with gold medal and PG diploma in human rights and an amazing background of 7 years of working with Human rights organizations in one of the most diverse parts of country, Uttar Pradesh. Her field of expertise encompasses constitutional and legal frameworks as well as the international human rights mechanism. Her professional and academic interests include gender, patriarchy, identity based violence, and laws related to women and children.

    Share this story

    Donate to Operation PeaceMaker

    Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

    I want to donate

    ON BEHALF OF MY ORGANISATION
    AS AN INDIVIDUAL

    VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS IN EVERYONE’S BACKYARD. LET’S JOIN TOGETHER TO ELIMINATE IT

    Posted on by admin_peacemaker
    • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

    VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS IN EVERYONE’S BACKYARD. LET’S JOIN TOGETHER TO ELIMINATE IT

    While violence against women and girls is endemic in India, it touches us all, is in our backyard – irrespective of where we live, our socioeconomic background, our educational achievements.

    My parents are American, but I was born and grew up in India. India is home, and I love this country. As a woman living in India, however, I’m acutely aware of the gender issues that prevail in this country. I’ve experienced it. My closest friends have experienced it. Too often, women are perceived as being owned by their father, brother or husband; in some households, this means that they’re the last member of a household to be served food and in others, it means that parents only invest in the education of sons. At least 50 per cent of men believe they have the right to be violent towards women. What’s more, many girls are taught from an early age they have no value, they exist to serve men and the family. They are groomed to believe men have the power and control. They’re taught to accept their lot in life, believing it’s their fate – whatever happens, just accept it quietly. They believe that this is the role of “good” women.

    While violence against women and girls is endemic in India, it touches us all, is in our backyard – irrespective of where we live, our socioeconomic background, our educational achievements. It’s a universal issue, close to home, and we all have an obligation to eliminate it. That’s why the United Nations wants the world to unite by standing up against gender-based violence on the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women on 25 November and during the following 16 days of activism.

    The United Nations is encouraging us all to piggyback off its global campaign, make the day our own in a way that’s meaningful to each of us. That’s where the strength of the day and the campaign lies – it’s catchy, it’s an issue that unites us all. It demands that we come together and get involved. Collectively as a global community, we must wake up and solve this issue.

    Domestic violence makes it difficult for women to lift themselves out of poverty in India. It stops girls from going to school to receive the education they need to break the cycle of poverty and it prevents women from working to earn a living to provide for their families. Eliminating the violence that impacts 1 in 2 women In India is necessary for them to be able to make the journey out of poverty. A world free of poverty will not be realised until we have a world free from violence.

    One of the first ladies I interviewed when I joined My Choices, Shravani, was from a family living in poverty. Shravani has three sisters and no brothers, the two older sisters have an intellectual disability, which meant they weren’t eligible for marriage and Shravani herself has a twisted foot after recovering from polio. As a woman from this type of disadvantaged family, Shravani thought she’d be very lucky to get married and that’s what her family thought as well. So, when a man came and asked for her hand in marriage, her dad jumped at the opportunity and cried: “This is our luckiest day.”

    On the first day of her marriage, Shravani’s husband beat her and the daily physical and emotional abuse continued for nine years. She got to the point where she couldn’t bear to live anymore, bought rat poison, but didn’t take it because she worried about who would take care of her two children if she was gone. Then one day, Shravani met a PeaceMaker from My Choices.

    “Before you take any action come and have a conversation with us,” said the PeaceMaker, who also worked as a hairdresser so that she could easily come into contact with women.

    So, Shravani met with the PeaceMaker. It took one conversation with her for Shravani to do a 180-degree turnaround. She’d never been told that she was valuable. It only took one session of validation where she was told that domestic abuse is not inevitable, doesn’t have to be – that being a woman didn’t make her destined to be abused. She told the PeaceMaker she would go home and deal with it. Shravani went home and confronted her husband that night.

    “No more,” said Shravani to her husband. “That’s it. You’re never going to raise a hand on me again. You can’t hit me anymore. I’ll report you to the police if you hit me. If I go missing, they’ll go looking for me. The PeaceMakers have my back. They’re looking out for me.”

    He threatened to leave and went to his sister’s house, but she wouldn’t let him stay with her because she knew about his abuse. He felt so dejected, he went to the railway station, laid his head on the track then phoned Shravani.

    “My head’s on the track,” he said. “Can you hear the train coming? I’m going to kill myself if you don’t stop this nonsense. If you keep standing up to me.”

    “Thank you very much for nine years of marriage,” replied Shravani. “I thank God we’ve had two beautiful children, but I have nothing else to say to you,” hanging up on him.

    Her husband returned home defeated, feeling he truly had no choice but to listen to Shravani, and begin being a different kind of husband and father. Their lives have never been the same.

    Shravani’s story is similar to the stories of millions of women in India. At My Choices, we create a community for women. We empower women with knowledge that they are valuable, deserve respect, that violence and abuse are unacceptable. We counsel the whole family and help men understand that masculinity does not depend on having all the power and control, that they should share it with women. We empower women to change the balance of power and control in their family, give them the confidence to take action. In this way, through the elimination of violence against women, we hope women will go on to build livelihoods and break the cycle of poverty in which their families have been trapped for generations.

    This article was first published in Opportunity International Blog followed by SIGHT magazine.

    Hannah Surabhi

    Hannah heads up marketing and communications for My Choices Foundation. Hope is her favourite concept. Her passion is working to help every person understand their role in making this world better, for everyone. This article was written by Hannah for Opportunity International as a part of the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence Campaign.

    Share this story

    Donate to Operation PeaceMaker

    Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

    I want to donate

    ON BEHALF OF MY ORGANISATION
    AS AN INDIVIDUAL

    Secunderabad Centre Expansion

    Posted on by admin_peacemaker
    • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

    Secunderabad Centre Expansion

    In December 2015, we responded to the need for localised support by launching the Secunderabad Counselling Centre! This centre is proving to be as pivotal as we anticipated, and is operating with its own dedicated team of PeaceMakers and two Counsellors.

    Now, it’s time to expand.

    Hyderabad and Secunderabad are twin cities, and home to unique religious and cultural demographics. Since our founding five years ago, many of our clients and team members alike have travelled from Secunderabad to reach Operation Peacemaker Counselling Centres.

    In December 2015, we responded to this need for localised support by launching the Secunderabad Counselling Centre! This centre is proving to be as pivotal as we anticipated, and is operating with its own dedicated team of PeaceMakers and two Counsellors.

    Now, it’s time to expand.

    The caseload in our Secunderabad Centre has grown steadily. New partnerships with the Police Central Crime Station (CCS) and Women Police Station have caused cases to pour into our Centre as police direct many of their domestic violence cases to us for support and management. Our Centre requires immediate expansion in two ways. First, we need more space to handle the client and case load generating many counseling appointments each day. Second, we need more team power to provide in field follow up and support to each client. Case management of victims of abuse often requires extensive hand-holding and long term aid.

    We have already moved into a new building to give our team the space needed to handle cases. We are planning a PeaceMaker training for July 2017 to add an additional 10 confirmed PeaceMakers who will provide in field support to our clients.

    Move-In Day at the new Centre

    The cases we receive in Secunderabad are particularly challenging. This is largely due to the caseload received from the police. Every domestic violence case that reaches the police is required to go through a mandated 3 counselling sessions before the case is filed. Without the capacity to manage this process, police rely heavily on our Centre. These cases are unique in that they are brought forward by the small percentage (only 1 out of 5) of women who ever speak up about the abuse they face. These victims are at a point where the abuse is so severe, that they have finally reached the point that they are willing to put aside the stigma of making a report. By nature, these cases are extremely harrowing and challenging.

    Those who follow our work, and have supported previous campaigns will remember our client Sandhya and her two beautiful daughters who fled in the middle of the night to escape the house where she endured 16 years of life threatening abuse. We successfully raised funds for 2 years of education for her girls, and they are doing very well on their own. However, Sandhya would never have been able to make that bold step if she had not had the support of our Secunderabad Centre, its Counsellors who provided local support, PeaceMakers who helped her with each step, and safe space that received her and her daughters with their few precious belongings the night they escaped.

    Capacity Building Session for Secunderabad PeaceMakers

    We will be launching a fundraising campaign in July to raise $10,500 to fund the Secunderabad Centre Expansion. This budget will cover rent for the safe space in which our clients access our services + 10 new PeaceMakers. The impact of this expansion will be around 120 domestic violence cases resolved in the year of funding. It also facilitates community workshops (Basti Meetings) and School Workshop that will train 2,500 women and 4500+ school girls on their rights and protections from different forms of violence, abuse and harassment.

    Operation PeaceMaker

    This post was authored by the Operation PeaceMaker communications team. Our mission is to keep you informed, and full of hope.

    Share this story

    Donate to Operation PeaceMaker

    Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

    I want to donate

    ON BEHALF OF MY ORGANISATION
    AS AN INDIVIDUAL

    Growth of our Warangal Centre!

    Posted on by admin_peacemaker
    • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

    Growth of our Warangal Centre!

    An update on Warangal Counselling Centre: Our growth and Stories.

    A note from Kranthi Aahron, Counsellor at our most outreach active Counselling Centre…

    Our New Peace Makers joined us at warangal center in “ The Operation Peacemaker “ from the first week of August. The two week PM training had been a wonderful time of preparing them for “ The Operation Peacemaker”. Few PM’s exclaimed that they see a Great change in their own thinking after the training period and in their internship. They said that the capacity building sessions every week also are helpful.

    Before August, warangal centre had 3 PM’s and cases below 75. After adding a vibrant set of PM’s, within a month, warangal centre reached century and above. We are having total no. of cases till date are up to 300. The warangal center also had an increase in Outreaches, Basthi Meetings and School Programs.

    Not only that our centre has become so busy in reconciling families. Few broken families were reunited, many families came to better understanding and very few remained unresolved. There is a drastic change in statistics and quality of our “ Operation PeaceMaker “ at Warangal centre.

    Parveen Banu’s Story

    Parveen Banu

    When Parveen was in school, she was stalked by a man for four years. Her stalker would repeatedly propose marriage, only to be turned down every time. In later years, when marriage proposals from other men would reach her family, Parveen’s stalker would invariably find out and ruin the match. He would then harass her by accusing her of being unfaithful to him for even considering the other proposal.

    This went on for several years, with no marriage proposals working out for Parveen. It led her to reconsider her stance against her stalker. “It is better to marry someone who loves me,” was the thought on her mind when she finally accepted his proposal.

    The relationship immediately turned bad as her stalker-now-husband turned out to be an alcoholic, who abused her when drunk. Furthermore, he also refused to work. They had three children in quick succession. Parveen says she had no say in whether to get pregnant, it was forced on her. She was also faced emotional abuse from her mother-in-law, who blamed Parveen for her husband’s behaviour. “It is all because of you. You can neither handle a family nor a husband,” she was told.

    When her husband moved to the Persian Gulf, Parveen expected a respite, but this was not possible. Her husband would call incessantly. He would be outraged if she didn’t answer his call on the first ring, and would insinuate that she must be having an affair with another man.

    All of this took a toll on Parveen’s health. She was depressed, and over time became obese.

    Parveen came across a vocational course subsidised by the government to train as a beautician, and with her husband still out of country, she grabbed the opportunity. With determination and training, Parveen soon started working in a beauty salon for women. The opportunity to learn a skill, work and support her family financially were all hugely empowering opportunities for Parveen, and it boosted her self-esteem tremendously. Her skillful work was noticed by her clients, who soon started to request her for customised services. She also started teaching in the same government-run programme where she had trained. When her husband returned home jobless, he couldn’t ask her to cut off the financial support.

    Parveen started to believe in herself. “I can do something”, she told herself.

    “I can do something,” she told herself.

    It was at this time that Parveen came across the Warangal PeaceMaker recruitment drive. To her, it seemed like it would help improve her marital situation. She didn’t think she would ever become strong enough to help other families.

    The training to be a PeaceMaker had a strong impact on Parveen. She finally found a group she could share her story with, confide in and relate to. They all wept with her when she recounted her story. Parveen’s confidence and self-esteem rose with their support. She worked to lose weight, and fought her obesity and depression. She felt more in control of her life, and believes she is a better mother to her children because of it.

    The changes in Parveen’s self-esteem and confidence didn’t go unnoticed. Her husband became aware of her assertiveness and self-assurance that developed during the the training programme. He started to keep a close watch on her movements, and would keep asking her where she went.

    However, none of this deterred Parveen. She didn’t feel helpless anymore. Her training taught her how to work with her husband to get peace. She began to get her husband to talk about why he was angry and what was upsetting him, rather than use his fists. He still doesn’t have a job, but he no longer has control over Parveen.

    As a PeaceMaker, Parveen has already helped support 13 families to find peace and end domestic violence in their homes. She has led 17 Basti (community awareness) Meetings on her own – something most PeaceMakers take months to build up to – in addition to assisting on many more. From an emotionally over-wrought and sensitive personality, she has turned into an enthusiastic and super-confident woman.

    Parveen believes her work helps her to do something important for women facing abuse. In the eight years of her marriage, she says she could not find a single person to help her. She looked for help, but no one stepped forward. She feels duty-bound to help other abused women now that the PeaceMaker program has helped her.

    “I don’t want another woman to go through what I went through,” she says.

    Parveen Banu running a Basti Meeting. (Old “My Choices” used on the banner.)

    Kranthi Aahron

    Kranthi is the lead Counsellor of Operation PeaceMaker Warangal Centre. She is passionate about her home town of Warangal and considers it a privilege to serve women and families in her area.

    Share this story

    Donate to Operation PeaceMaker

    Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

    I want to donate

    ON BEHALF OF MY ORGANISATION
    AS AN INDIVIDUAL