Peace Maker

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Month: May 2016

Growth of our Warangal Centre!

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  • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

Growth of our Warangal Centre!

An update on Warangal Counselling Centre: Our growth and Stories.

A note from Kranthi Aahron, Counsellor at our most outreach active Counselling Centre…

Our New Peace Makers joined us at warangal center in “ The Operation Peacemaker “ from the first week of August. The two week PM training had been a wonderful time of preparing them for “ The Operation Peacemaker”. Few PM’s exclaimed that they see a Great change in their own thinking after the training period and in their internship. They said that the capacity building sessions every week also are helpful.

Before August, warangal centre had 3 PM’s and cases below 75. After adding a vibrant set of PM’s, within a month, warangal centre reached century and above. We are having total no. of cases till date are up to 300. The warangal center also had an increase in Outreaches, Basthi Meetings and School Programs.

Not only that our centre has become so busy in reconciling families. Few broken families were reunited, many families came to better understanding and very few remained unresolved. There is a drastic change in statistics and quality of our “ Operation PeaceMaker “ at Warangal centre.

Parveen Banu’s Story

Parveen Banu

When Parveen was in school, she was stalked by a man for four years. Her stalker would repeatedly propose marriage, only to be turned down every time. In later years, when marriage proposals from other men would reach her family, Parveen’s stalker would invariably find out and ruin the match. He would then harass her by accusing her of being unfaithful to him for even considering the other proposal.

This went on for several years, with no marriage proposals working out for Parveen. It led her to reconsider her stance against her stalker. “It is better to marry someone who loves me,” was the thought on her mind when she finally accepted his proposal.

The relationship immediately turned bad as her stalker-now-husband turned out to be an alcoholic, who abused her when drunk. Furthermore, he also refused to work. They had three children in quick succession. Parveen says she had no say in whether to get pregnant, it was forced on her. She was also faced emotional abuse from her mother-in-law, who blamed Parveen for her husband’s behaviour. “It is all because of you. You can neither handle a family nor a husband,” she was told.

When her husband moved to the Persian Gulf, Parveen expected a respite, but this was not possible. Her husband would call incessantly. He would be outraged if she didn’t answer his call on the first ring, and would insinuate that she must be having an affair with another man.

All of this took a toll on Parveen’s health. She was depressed, and over time became obese.

Parveen came across a vocational course subsidised by the government to train as a beautician, and with her husband still out of country, she grabbed the opportunity. With determination and training, Parveen soon started working in a beauty salon for women. The opportunity to learn a skill, work and support her family financially were all hugely empowering opportunities for Parveen, and it boosted her self-esteem tremendously. Her skillful work was noticed by her clients, who soon started to request her for customised services. She also started teaching in the same government-run programme where she had trained. When her husband returned home jobless, he couldn’t ask her to cut off the financial support.

Parveen started to believe in herself. “I can do something”, she told herself.

“I can do something,” she told herself.

It was at this time that Parveen came across the Warangal PeaceMaker recruitment drive. To her, it seemed like it would help improve her marital situation. She didn’t think she would ever become strong enough to help other families.

The training to be a PeaceMaker had a strong impact on Parveen. She finally found a group she could share her story with, confide in and relate to. They all wept with her when she recounted her story. Parveen’s confidence and self-esteem rose with their support. She worked to lose weight, and fought her obesity and depression. She felt more in control of her life, and believes she is a better mother to her children because of it.

The changes in Parveen’s self-esteem and confidence didn’t go unnoticed. Her husband became aware of her assertiveness and self-assurance that developed during the the training programme. He started to keep a close watch on her movements, and would keep asking her where she went.

However, none of this deterred Parveen. She didn’t feel helpless anymore. Her training taught her how to work with her husband to get peace. She began to get her husband to talk about why he was angry and what was upsetting him, rather than use his fists. He still doesn’t have a job, but he no longer has control over Parveen.

As a PeaceMaker, Parveen has already helped support 13 families to find peace and end domestic violence in their homes. She has led 17 Basti (community awareness) Meetings on her own – something most PeaceMakers take months to build up to – in addition to assisting on many more. From an emotionally over-wrought and sensitive personality, she has turned into an enthusiastic and super-confident woman.

Parveen believes her work helps her to do something important for women facing abuse. In the eight years of her marriage, she says she could not find a single person to help her. She looked for help, but no one stepped forward. She feels duty-bound to help other abused women now that the PeaceMaker program has helped her.

“I don’t want another woman to go through what I went through,” she says.

Parveen Banu running a Basti Meeting. (Old “My Choices” used on the banner.)

Kranthi Aahron

Kranthi is the lead Counsellor of Operation PeaceMaker Warangal Centre. She is passionate about her home town of Warangal and considers it a privilege to serve women and families in her area.

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Launch of the Shakti Program

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  • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

Launch of the Shakti Program

Shakti is a long term monitorship program for girls aimed at equipping them to make choices to secure their safety the the potential of their futures. Shakti launched in 2016 with the goal of reaching 200 girls in 2016.

Operation PeaceMaker started the Shakti program in three areas of Hyderabad to empower our city’s most marginalised girls to make informed decisions about their safety and futures. Shakti is designed to intervene in and mentor young girl’s lives so that they are shaped by knowledge of their worth, strength and purpose, and not the discrimination they face. We plan to impact 100-150 girls through our Shakti circles in 2016.

Meet Fouzia, Shakti Program Teacher from My Choices Foundation on Vimeo.

Adolescent girls are the most vulnerable group in our society. India has been labeled the most dangerous place on earth to be born a girl because of the neglect and discrimination they face throughout their life. There are a multitude of barriers to their personal and professional happiness and life opportunities such as lack of education, gender discrimination, early marriage, domestic violence and sexual abuse to name a few. Simply put, they do not have equal opportunity to access their own human rights.

One of the biggest challenges that adolescent girls face in India is early marriage. In India, 47% of girls are married before the age of 18, and 22% of women between the ages of 22-24 years old have had a child before the age of 18. Girls who get married early are most likely to drop out of school, face domestic violence, and have high risk pregnancies. Early marriage also leaves girls unprepared for child rearing, and helps perpetuate a cycle of vulnerability for future generations. **

Girls face some of the most consistent and severe discrimination in the world, in part because they are voiceless. They often lack any ability for self-determination and agency in their own lives. Girl’s self esteem around the world is a topic of concern. We can only imagine how much worse the predicament is in India where girls are the victim of such systemic discrimination. Many girls are even given names like “unwanted” or “curse”. They don’t get to make their own choices, and they don’t have access to information that might empower them.

We at My Choices Foundation firmly believe that if given the chance, girls will not only change their lives, but also the lives of those around them. Education is the first step towards their freedom because educated and empowered girls are more likely to protect themselves and those around them. Every girl deserves to be raised as a human being and not be subjected to sex selective discrimination. Every girl deserves to be educated and empowered to be able to make her own choices.

The Aagnan Trust, who designed the Shakti program, hold children’s safety as their utmost priority. They work in some of the most difficult areas to support and empower children, families, communities and government authorities to recognize the risks for violence, abuse, exploitation, neglect and exclusion from services that children face and to know how to prevent them. Shakti is a special program just for vulnerable girls that focusses on empowering them to overcome their circumstances to live safe, productive lives.

Fouzia, an Anganwadi teacher in the Falaknuma area of Hyderabad where one of our Shakti circles is being run says, “Girls here do not feel safe. Most of them are sexually abused, even by their fathers and brothers, and do not know what to do about it.”

Shakti has been implemented by Aagnan Trust in Mumbai with incredible results in the lives of nearly 30,000 girls over 5 years. It is in essence a long-term mentorship program for girls journeying through adolescence. They face harsh realities, and usually have no one to turn to that will help them problem solve. Shakti has a multifold approach in helping girls, where girls are: connected to a peer network; supported and empowered to recognise risk and develop strategies to resist pressures of child marriage, dangerous work, and being pulled out of school; provided access services; trained to negotiate for themselves; supported to articulate aspirations and take steps towards achieving their live goals. The peer network that provides the girls a safe space to talk about their lives is the foundation of the Shakti program. It is incredible to see the girls giving and deriving strength from each other!

When girls’ access to education is limited, they remain ignorant about the possibility of a life free of violence, abuse, and disparities. With the help provided by the Shakti program, girls can acquire knowledge about their rights, establish connections with helpers within their own communities who aid them in exercising their rights, and together find solutions to their problems. We can train and equip the girls to improve their living conditions by seeking help within the community. Shakti helps them live safer, dignified lives.

Through Shakti, My Choices Foundation addresses these diverse needs of the adolescent girls by educating them and their families. The support available through Shakti Circles for young girls, with education on self development enables them to take control of their lives. Parents of Shakti girls likewise benefit from awareness about the various government support programs and schemes that relieve the burden on parents trying to make their daughters bright futures possible.

“The girls coming for Shakti are completely aware of all the dangers surrounding them. They know about trafficking, they know about the frustrations of getting married young, about sexual abuse, about being harassed by men. What they want from us is the tools and the skills to tackle these perils. They want to know how to be assertive, how to refuse, how to stand up for themselves and the other girls around them.

My vision for these girls is that they are able to do all this and make informed decisions about their lives by the time they graduate from the Shakti program.”

**Girls younger than 15 are five times more likely to die in childbirth than women in their 20s, and a woman in India is 100 times more likely to die of childbirth causes than a woman elsewhere in the world where it is still the leading cause of death globally. Infants born to mothers under the age of 18 are 60% more likely to die in their first year than to mothers over the age of 19. Girls married before 18 are twice as likely to face domestic violence. These girls have no decision making powers and control over resources or even their own bodies.

Asima Habib

Asima is the Shakti Program Manager and Legal Aid for Operation PeaceMaker clients. She is a qualified lawyer who believes that the happiness and progress of women and children has a major effect on society as a whole.

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Increasing Dating Violence

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  • CATEGORY: OPERATION PEACEMAKER

Increasing Dating Violence

The culture in India is slowly changing so that dating is becoming a normal practice for much of the country’s youth. Consequently, there has been a rise in incidences of dating violence.

The culture in India is slowly changing so that dating is becoming a normal practice for much of the country’s youth. Consequently, there has been a rise in incidences of dating violence.

The difficulty of this slow change is that many of these young women lack the typical support systems of family, friends, and society at large due to the lack of acceptance of the practice of dating. In our experience, these young women are not only at high risk of dating violence, and face the universally common barriers to getting help, but they also face additional barriers due to the secrecy they feel they must keep around their dating lives.

Most young women who come to us for help for dating violence, wish to retain some degree of anonymity, often withholding contact info and even the the degree and intensity of the abuse. What we have learnt from cases that come via online channels like our partner Zariya (a virtual organization that helps women in need by connecting them to various organizations) is that anonymity makes women feel secure and in control of the situation. This means they limit the support we are able to provide them, and they do not access external support networks that could help them. Furthermore, it is difficult to provide support to a young woman without her parent’s knowledge or consent because the police prefer to have parental involvement on cases of unmarried girls, even if they are no longer minors.

They do this in an attempt to protect the identity of their partner as well as keep their abuse from become the reason their relationship is revealed. Most clients feel that sharing their problem is equivalent to betrayal, and they want to avoid any more damage to the existing relationship.

This has perhaps been our biggest challenge so far in terms of helping clients who choose to remain anonymous. Their reluctance to give out basic details becomes a barrier to the effectiveness of our support. Also, in cases like these, it is very rare that we get chance to counsel the aggressor and bring about a change in their behavior.

We hope that as digital tools make it easier for young women to access our support services, that they also help us cultivate a culture among the younger generation that believes in building relationships that respect their physical and emotional well being above anything else, even at times their privacy.

LOVE SHOULD NEVER HURT

Photo Source: Unkown

Ammara Habib

Ammara is Operation PeaceMaker's youngest Counsellor, and the Counsellor in charge of managing our online cases.

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Why it’s time India criminalised marital rape

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Why it’s time India criminalised marital rape

It is time to join the 104 countries around the world that allow marital rape to be prosecuted under the law and give the wives of India the right to live a life free from abuse and fear.

In one of my cases, I counselled an elderly couple who were addressing the violence in their household after nearly 35 years of marriage. With two grown children out of the house, the wife finally decided she was going to pursue peace. She had multiple health issues, some due to years of physical abuse that her now tired body gave evidence to. Her husband, while giving me his list of complaints against his elderly wife (his justifications for abuse), told me that it was her responsibility to have sex with him at least at night if not during the day as well.

In recent months the criminalisation of marital rape has been a topic of much debate in India. As Program Manager of Operation PeaceMaker I have first hand experience of the negative effects that this humiliating and degrading abuse has on women of all ages and walks of life.

For the second time in less than five years government appointed reports have slammed the legislature for failing to criminalise or even recognise marital rape.

Most recently the ‘Status of Women in India’ report, said, “The Act (Criminal Laws Amendment Act 2013) is silent on the issues of marital rape, making it an offence only in cases where the wife is under 15 years of age. The Verma Committee [lead by one of India’s most eminent male thought leaders for women empowerment] has, however recommended that marital rape be made an offence irrespective of the age of the wife. This shows the legislature’s failure to appreciate the growing menace of this crime wherein the victim has to suffer on a daily basis.”

The Panel also noted that that the United Nations Committee on Elimination of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) had observed that India should amend its laws to “reflect the realities of sexual abuse experienced by women and to remove the exception of marital rape…”

Currently, the only recourse for women experiencing marital rape is through civil remedies provided under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 – which does not provide criminal sanctions, which are necessary to adequately punish perpetrators of such a serious and damaging act.

While Maneka Gandhi, Union Minister for Women and Child Development has suggest that the government will look into amending the necessary laws it is important to note that only last month she claimed that India is not ready to criminalise marital rape due to a number of social factors; including poverty, illiteracy and religious beliefs. She also suggests there is insufficient evidence of marital rape occurring in India to warrant the government to consider the amendments.

Based on these comments I question Ms Gandhi’s understanding of the importance of these legal amendments. We must remember that our lawmakers have a duty to uphold and forge a path for citizen’s rights to equality and a life free from discrimination and abuse. These aren’t superfluous rights, but rights that are enshrined in our constitution and reflected in the UN Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women, to which India is signatory to. I am sure that the masses would have said that India was not “ready” for one of the world’s most progressive sets of laws for the protection of women from domestic violence. Yet, in 2005, after years of advocacy by stalwarts led by Indira Jaising, Indian law set an example for its people and the world in this regard. In that moment, the purpose of the law was fulfilled to lead its people into an order that serves justice, not the unjust.

Furthermore, if as Ms Gandhi suggested, Indian society is not ready for such change, I would suggest at the very least, this warrants government attention to raise awareness amongst citizens, the police, judiciary and government officials about the need to respect a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body. In one of our cases last month a police officer refused to file a DIR (Domestic Incident Report) for our client who had just narrowly escaped from her house that was home to 16 years of daily violence including beatings and attempts to pimp her out to her husband’s friends. In the presence of our Counsellor, the policeman told her “It’s not like the abuse is happening right now. You’ve left, and it’s behind you. There’s no need to file a case.” Why is it that for a rape survivor we (theoretically) agree that she needs urgent care and action, but for a woman who’s torture happens in her own home we are so insensitive? The policeman in this case was even under a legal obligation to file the case, and to activate a process that the law dictates should only take 60 days to resolve. If officials are so insensitive to their duties under the law, how can we possibly expect any help from them when something is not acknowledged by the law?

To Ms Gandhi’s second point regarding lack of evidence to support the amendment, a recent gender study conducted by International Centre for Research on Women and United Nations Family and Population Fund in India, which shows that 1 in 3 husbands admit to forced sexual acts in their wives. Additionally, the National Family Health Survey reveals that 1 in 12 women surveyed said they had experienced sexual violence in their lifetime. More than 93% of these women said that they had been sexually abused by their current or former husband.

Sadly, this data is too often reflected in the work that I do with Operation PeaceMaker. In almost every case of domestic violence there is also sexual abuse. Everyday I meet women who have lost their right to consent, leaving them in a position of fear and powerlessness.

Instead of upholding the family unity at any cost, I ask our government to provide women with the legal framework to recognise this horrific act and to seek justice.

We like to think that sex within marriage is something partners enjoy as an act of love; that men understand that their wives’ need to feel safe to give them their bodies, and that wives understand that withholding intimacy is not a weapon of martial warfare. Yet, this is not the case for many marriages in India. I understand that it is not black and white, and proving marital rape is daunting. Yet, for women like my elderly client, the law provides no opinion, no assurance that what’s being done to her is wrong, and no recourse to indicate that she does not deserve abuse for refusing sex to a violent and controlling partner. For all she knows, the law agrees that it is her husband’s right to force her to have sex.

It is time to join the 104 countries around the world that allow marital rape to be prosecuted under the law and give the wives of India the right to live a life free from abuse and fear.

Dr. Farzana

This post was authored by Dr. Farzana. Dr. Farzana is Program Manager at Operation PeaceMaker. Her motto is "choose dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery". As well as managing domestic violence Counselling Centres across Telangana, Dr. Farzana advocates at the national and grassroots level for awareness on gender issues, in particular violence against women and girls. She had dedicated the past 10 years of her live to bringing about change in India to ensure women can live free from abuse.

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Help send Pavani and Pallavi back to school

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Help send Pavani and Pallavi back to school

Pavani and Pallavi’s education was interrupted when their mother Sandhya made the brave choices to escape 16 years of daily abuse and move to a safe home. Now, the girls are ready for school again, and Sandhya is working hard to start a new life. Will you help them?

Today we are launching our Mother’s Day Month crowdfunding campaign to send Pavani (11) and Pallavi (9) to school!

We decided to launch the campaign in the month of May, just after mothers day, in honour of Pavani and Pallavi’s mother (Sandhya) and all the mothers who have experienced domestic violence in their lives.

Three years ago, Sandhya sought help from Operation PeaceMaker and two months ago, she made the brave decision to leave her husband after 16 years of unrelenting marital abuse and violence.

Indian Donors: donate to send Pavani & Pallavi to school this June

For Non-Indian Donors

Sandhya and her two daughters are now living in a safe home in Hyderabad, India and while they welcome the respite from the daily verbal, physical and sexual assaults, the move has upended the girls education. Due to the threat that their father will kidnap them from school and use them to blackmail their mother, a fear validated by the police, the girls have not gone to school since leaving home. Consequently, they were unable to give their final exams or return to their after-school activities and hobbies.

Sandhya is now working as domestic helper and daily wage labourer in a cloth market, and is making enough money to provide her daughters with basic living essentials, but she is unable to cover their school fees. Pavani and Pallavi need to get back to school and to their regular routines, to not only give them a sense of normalcy and help them cope with the turmoil in their lives, but also to help ensure that they fulfil their potential and avoid falling into the same cycle of inequality and abuse their mother faced.

Pavani is expected to start Grade 6 this academic year, and misses her English and Hindi lessons in the most, “there are so many stories, poems and rhymes in the lessons,” she says. Her favourite class was story telling, “every day, my teacher would bring a book from the library and read out a story. The entire class would be quiet, and we would listen with complete attention.” Her mother says, “I don’t understand English. Pavani will read the story, and explain the entire tale to me in Telugu.”

Her younger sister, Pallavi (9) is expected to start Grade 4 this year longs to attend her Science lessons again, “my teacher would teach us about plants and animals.” In her last tests at school, she scored a 25/25 in all subjects except English, in which she got a 24/25. Pallavi spends her time at the safe home by filling her notebook with sketches of cartoon characters and festival scenes. Recently, she gifted an elaborate hand-made card to one of the women staying at the safe home. Her mother is proud of her artwork, “Pallavi takes every opportunity to draw. She fills an entire notebook with sketches in a week.”

Both girls want to be doctors. Pallavi wants to be a doctor for the needy, “the poor don’t have the money for treatment, and I want to treat them for free,” she says. Pavani, on the other hand, wants to treat emergency cases, “I want to help people who have accidents because they get hurt, and there is no one to help them” she says.

More than 40 percent of married women in India suffer from domestic violence and many feel like they are unable to leave because they are financially dependent on their husbands. Going back to school will not only ensures that Pavani and Pallavi have access to their basic human right to education, but it will also give them opportunity to become strong, financially independent and empowered women.

By raising USD $1,500 we can send Pallavi and Pavani to school for two years, covering their school fees, books and uniforms.

Sandhya was supported to leave her situation of domestic violence through Operation PeaceMaker an initiative of the My Choices Foundation. Operation PeaceMaker has a number of initiatives in place which work towards providing women with financial independence. However, these often take time and this was an opportunity that we felt needed to be acted on quickly to ensure the girls did not miss the boat on education.

Indian donors: support Pavani and Pallavi please click here to make a donation.

Non-Indian Donors Donate via PayPal on this page

We are thankful for all your support and assure you that your money will be a blessed investment in raising two strong, independent and empowered women.

Operation PeaceMaker

This post was authored by the Operation PeaceMaker communications team. Our mission is to keep you informed, and full of hope.

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