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Month: October 2021

Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Posted on by My Choices Foundation mychoices
  • CATEGORY: MY CHOICES FOUNDATION

Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Relationships are complex and abusive relationships come with their own set of complexities. It is difficult to ‘just walk away’ from a relationship. It takes an immense amount of courage to leave. Domestic violence and abuse are about power and control and when a survivor walks away from the relationship they threaten the power and […]

Relationships are complex and abusive relationships come with their own set of complexities. It is difficult to ‘just walk away’ from a relationship. It takes an immense amount of courage to leave. Domestic violence and abuse are about power and control and when a survivor walks away from the relationship they threaten the power and control that their partner has established over them. This may cause the partner to respond in hurtful and harmful ways and hence makes the process of leaving very difficult.

How to get help?

Reasons for staying in an abusive relationship are extremely complex. One of the major reasons includes fear of retaliation from the perpetrator or the following through of the threats that the perpetrator has been using to ensure the survivor stays in the relationship. These could include fear of personal safety, the safety of children, custody of children, financial dependency, and much more. As the survivor is aware of the extent the perpetrator is willing to go, they may not be able to escape the relationship.

Leaving an abusive relationship is not as easy as simply walking away.

Why do people stay?

Many people fear for their personal and their child’s safety when they are in an abusive relationship. Besides the physical risks of staying in abusive relationships, there are also emotional and situational reasons involved regarding why people choose to stay.

  • Believe that their partner would change and that the abuse would stop.
  • In families where abusive relationships have been normalised, people fail to recognise the red flags of an unhealthy relationship.
  • Financially dependent on their partner
  • Lack of support from family to leave the partner
  • Loving their partner, attachment to their partner and feeling responsible for the abuse they face. 
  • Feeling scared to make life-changing decisions or feeling guilty over the failure of their relationship. 
  • Fear of emotional trauma that their child would experience in the case of separation
  • Fear of loss of custody of children
  • Societal pressure and shame – In India, divorce is considered taboo and domestic violence is a private matter that many refuse to acknowledge or speak about. Hence, separating from the perpetrator becomes an ordeal for many survivors when the relationship status is given more than the safety of the survivor. 
  • Fear that their problems will not be taken seriously by society as well as law enforcement agencies. 
  • Lack of access to resources and information regarding domestic violence redressal mechanisms. 
  • Disability – If someone is dependent on others for physical support, they might find it difficult to leave as they might equate their well-being to being in the relationship.

    • A survivor goes through immense psychological and emotional turmoil which forces them to stay in abusive relationships. If you know someone who is being subjected to domestic violence, sensitive and unbiased are two words that one must never forget when talking to a survivor of domestic violence and abuse. Do remember that it is not easy for the survivor to leave their partner immediately. As a family member or friend always remember that, the survivor knows what is best for them. Be patient and supportive of the decisions that the survivor makes. They need friends and people around them who are willing to listen to them, have an open mind and are non-judgemental. The goal is never to get them to leave an abusive relationship or situation but rather to provide.

    Guide for Friends and Family of survivors of abuse

    It is not your fault

    If you are being subjected to abuse, you may feel scared, trapped, angry or confused. All of these are normal responses to instances of abuse and violence. Sometimes people also tend to blame themselves for the abuse they face. However, please know that abuse is never the survivor’s fault.

    Please contact our toll-free helpline for free counselling, safe home and legal support 1800 212 9131, if it is unsafe to call leave us a message on WhatsApp- 9333 40 4141 and our team will get back to you. All calls are confidential.

    How to get help?

    My Choices Foundation

    This post was authored by the My Choices Foundation communications team. Our mission is to keep you informed on the cause, and hopeful that transformation is possible one story at a time.

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    Domestic violence & abuse: How to get help?

    Posted on by My Choices Foundation mychoices
    • CATEGORY: MY CHOICES FOUNDATION

    Domestic violence & abuse: How to get help?

    Domestic violence is a violation of human rights. It is a consequence of minimising and discrediting the equal status of a woman in a patriarchal society. It can occur in any form – physical, sexual, verbal, psychological, economic, stalking, cyberstalking, or a combination of various forms of abuse. Recognising Domestic Violence and Abuse The first […]

    Domestic violence is a violation of human rights. It is a consequence of minimising and discrediting the equal status of a woman in a patriarchal society. It can occur in any form – physical, sexual, verbal, psychological, economic, stalking, cyberstalking, or a combination of various forms of abuse.

    Recognising Domestic Violence and Abuse

    The first step to seeking help is to recognise the signs of abuse. Domestic violence can manifest in many forms. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to be on your guard around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive.

    If you believe that you are a victim of domestic violence, here are some signs you can look out for:

  • Being isolated from your family and friends. 
  • Having bruises on you
  • Your movement, income and access to resources are being controlled. 
  • Your online presence is being monitored. 
  • Being pressured into engaging in sex. 
  • Being belittled or being constantly being told that you are overreacting or are worthless. 

    • Know more about the signs that you can look out for by reading this article.

    Creating a Safety Plan

    Leaving an abuser can be difficult. It is imperative to have a safety plan in place –

  • Consider calling a women’s shelter in advance for support. We operate a safe home where we provide emergency services for women in crisis. Call our helpline 1800 212 9131 for more information. 
  • You can also confide in a close friend and request assistance during this difficult time. Ensure you reach out to only trustworthy friends and family who will not give away your location or contact information once you have left your partner. 
  • Be sure of where you are going to go and how you will get there during an emergency. 
  • Always keep your phone ready to use in an emergency with a minimum balance and sufficient battery charge. Store important numbers on speed dial. 
  • Keep an emergency bag with important documents, money and clothes and hide it somewhere safe in case of a life-threatening situation at home.

    • Getting help and support

    Domestic violence in any form is unacceptable. If you are being subjected to domestic violence or are in an abusive relationship please call- 1800 212 9131, if it is unsafe to call leave us a message on WhatsApp- 9333 40 4141. Free, confidential counselling and support are available through our helpline services via our team of expert counsellors.

    Watch this video to know more about what happens when you call our toll free number –

    My Choices Foundation

    This post was authored by the My Choices Foundation communications team. Our mission is to keep you informed on the cause, and hopeful that transformation is possible one story at a time.

    Share this story

    Support Our Work

    Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

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    Campaign uses comics to raise awareness of child trafficking in West Bengal

    Posted on by My Choices Foundation mychoices
    • CATEGORY: MY CHOICES FOUNDATION

    Campaign uses comics to raise awareness of child trafficking in West Bengal

    “My daughter is 15 years old and my husband was arranging for her marriage. When I read Surokhito Gram Karyakrom’s comic book, I learnt that girls shouldn’t get married before the age of 18. It’s not good for their health and the future. It was difficult to convince my husband, but he agreed eventually”, a […]

    “My daughter is 15 years old and my husband was arranging for her marriage. When I read Surokhito Gram Karyakrom’s comic book, I learnt that girls shouldn’t get married before the age of 18. It’s not good for their health and the future. It was difficult to convince my husband, but he agreed eventually”, a mother from a remote village in the district of Bardhaman, West Bengal.

    ‘Surokhito Gram Karyakrom’ comic in the Bengali language aims to raise awareness among children, women and communities about child trafficking. The comic book focuses on the story of a ‘Guardian Girl’ Rani who educates the communities on how to protect children, women and girls from traffickers. The book delivers a trafficking prevention message in an appropriate cultural context and visual format, along with simple vocabulary to capture the attention of rural people, including people with low literacy levels.

    Making it relevant to all ages, the comic book has characters of:

    – A Good Father who protects his daughter ‘like a farmer protects his crops’

    – An Informed Mother who ‘will not marry her daughter before she turns 18’

    – A Guardian Girl who ‘is determined to study and raise awareness about child trafficking’

    – A Smart Boy who ‘respects girls and acts an influencer to prevent trafficking’

    “Child trafficking is a tough topic and our comic book is an effective means to communicate the dangers of trafficking in a way that is empowering, thoughtful and educational. It is resonant with readers of all ages and hugely popular among children. During our field visit, each participant is handed over a copy to take it back home. It stays with them and proves to be a reinforcing tool as the conversation about various characters continue to take place in their homes”, said Vivian Isaac, Program Director of My Choices Foundation.

    West Bengal is one of the most vulnerable states where deep-rooted harmful societal practices such as child marriage, child labour and unsafe migration are highly prevalent. Additionally, COVID-19 has fuelled cases of child marriage and school dropouts, triggered by financial pressures and increased unsafe online practices. Thousands of women and girls are lured to cities each year by traffickers who promise good jobs or with a prospect of happy marriage, but sell them into modern-day slavery.

    My Choices Foundation, Hyderabad based-NGO conducts Surokhito Gram Karyakrom, aimed at sensitising at-risk community members about child trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation by organising field-based programmes and communication tools such as comic books, flip charts, educational videos and roleplays.

    My Choices Foundation

    This post was authored by the My Choices Foundation communications team. Our mission is to keep you informed on the cause, and hopeful that transformation is possible one story at a time.

    Share this story

    Support Our Work

    Your donations make it possible for us to give women and girls the choice to live a life free from violence and exploitation.

    I WANT TO DONATE

    or sign up to our newsletter